Life's Little Instruction Book - Tip #374 of 511

Work hard to create in your children a good self-image. It's the most important thing you can do to insure their success.

(c) Susan James, All Rights Reserved

Life's Little Instruction Book - Tip #383 of 511

Understand that happiness is not based on possessions, power, or prestige, but on relationships with people you love and respect.

The Wisdom of Green Eggs and Ham

My favourite book as a child was "Green Eggs and Ham" by Dr. Seuss. And I'm not alone.... since 1960, children and adults alike have been chanting the words to this story. The National Education Association ranks "Green Eggs and Ham" #3 in the top 100 most popular children's books.

When Isla was in hospital, I was told many times how important it was for her development and overall health for me to talk or sing to her while she was in an isolette. I sang what I could remember and many, many, many times, I recited from [faulty] memory, the words to "Green Eggs and Ham". I don't know if she remembers me doing this or if, like millions of other children, she is captivated by the catchy 49 [unique] words in that book.

Would you? Could you?
in a car?
Eat them! Eat them!
Here they are....

... You do not like them.
SO you say.
Try them! Try them!
And you may.
Try them and you may I say.

We could all stand to learn a lot from that Sam-I-Am. This is not just a lesson on trying new foods and new things in general. Being open-minded and a little daring are valuable life skills. That Sam-I-Am is who we need to be. He goes after what he wants, pursues what he believes in, he doesn't take no for an answer (a pitbull), he has flash and absolutely zero limiting beliefs. At no point does he question whether he's wrong to continue to offer up his gastronomical specialty. At no point is he cowed by his inability to get our character to try something new. He simply and completely believes he will succeed and that his friend will love to eat green eggs and ham when he finally tries it. He knows what he wants and goes after it. When one approach does not work, he just re-arranges his strategy. At no point is he angry, frustrated or discouraged. He approaches his goal with love and trust. AND eventually his persistance pays off. He shares a lot with our "little engine that could" from my May 18 entry. Let's all try to be like Sam-I-Am for today and as many days as we can.

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Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.
~William Shakespeare

Faith is like radar that sees through the fog.
~Corrie Ten Boom, Tramp for the Lord

He conquers who endures.
~Persius

"Just Trust In Yourself and You'll Climb Every Hill"

-- aka the wisdom from children's books.

The best written children's books or movies contain fun ideas for the kids, but also have underlying wisdom for Mom, Dad or any adult other reading along or watching. I cry every time I read Love You Forever, by Robert Munsch and don't even get me started about the life lessons contained in Dr. Seuss books.

On the weekend, we had dinner with friends. Like us, they had a premature baby in NICU. Like Torran's parents, they were asked a number of times whether they wanted to remove life support from their child. When they declined that option, the wisdom of their decision was questioned by the medical team.

Having a baby in NICU, and following the 'usual' issues of prematurity with your child and having to make medical decision after medical decision on his, her or their behalf, on a daily basis, is horrific enough. To sum it up for you, it's like running a marathon, combined with military basic training, writing an LSAT or MENSA test, while grieving and trying to maintain your 'regular' routine all at once. There is no life lesson more harsh than this one because it involves a defenseless, vulnerable, innocent newborn child and, as most parents are not trained in neonatology, they are not equipped to care for their child while he or she is so ill. For those parents who are offered the choice to remove life support from their newly born child, the suffering they undergo is exponentially 100 times worse than for other parents of very early premature babies.

Tonight, our friends shared with us a book they read to their son while he was in NICU. In addition to reading it to him, they read it together daily because it helped them get through their experience. The story (I Knew You Could!, by Craig Dorfman) is inspiring with layered meaning. Based on the 1930's story, The Little Engine That Could, by Watty Piper, the little blue engine returns to inspire adults and children alike to do their best, to endure, and to believe in themselves.

"The stories in our mind become the stories in our life."
~ Kody Bateman, CEO, Send Out Cards

What makes someone be able to achieve the 'impossible' while everyone around him or her is not able to do the same? Roger Bannister is a good example. He broke the 4 min mile. After crushing failure at the 1952 Olympics, he decided he was going to be the first to run a mile in 4 minutes. He focused, he set his mind, his will, his training, to accomplishing that one thing. Within a month after he broke the record, 4 others accomplished the same thing. Why? Because they saw someone else do it and now felt it wasn't impossible. Up until then, the rest of the world looked on breaking that record as an impossible feat.

Bruce Jenner is another example. He was not the most talented athlete of his era, but he decided he was going to win the decathalon at the 1976 Olympics. He trained 8 hours a day, 7 days a week. He made this goal his sole focus and he imagined breaking a record and standing on the podium while listening to the national anthem. He visualized this scene over and over and over again. By the time he did break the record and win the medal, he had already won the race a million times in his mind. It was a familiar act for his body to re-create what his mind had already perceived and achieved so many times already.

So what has Roger Bannister and Bruce Jenner got to do with babies in the NICU? And parents reading children's books?

Children's books are written simply and directly. You only have to read a few pages to get the message. The best written books strike a deeper emotional chord with you. My friends found I KNEW YOU COULD!, which talks about meeting challenges head on, doing what it takes, and most importantly, the book conveys unqualified confidence that the reader/train will accomplish whatever s/he set out to do. This is a book someone undergoing a challenge could pick up and read over and over as needed. It's inspirational and it doesn't require a lot of time because it's not wieldy and it sets the seed, the idea in your mind. The repetition of reading it daily, sets your mindset to expect successfully overcoming the crisis at hand.

These parents tapped into the simple message in that book. Not only did it help them bond with their son while in NICU (parental presence and involvement in the baby's care has a HUGE impact on how well the baby does medically, developmentally, emotionally - on all levels, really), but it helped them create a picture in their mind of success. A vision that they would make it through that nightmare successfully, and the vision of their son successfully overcoming all the medical odds. And he has overcome (and continues to do so) an enormous number of odds, despite his prognosis.

I am a product of parents who decided to treat me as a 'normal' kid, despite being very ill with a particularly frightening case of epilepsy. Doctors told my parents I'd never make it past public school, that I was not to climb or have a bike, that I would not be cured and I would not be able to participate fully in life. While it was not news of extensive brain damage, it would have been a devastating blow to any parent. And I proved those doctors wrong. Not only did I graduate from high school with Honours, I graduated from university, am able to drive any vehicle, and have no ramifications after recovering fully 28 years ago.

I credit my parents to a great part with this success. While they told me how dangerous it was to climb things (I did nothing else but, as a child), and kept me fully informed about my condition, never once did they tell me I could not, or would not be able to, do something. They made a decision - I think it was when I was cycling down the street on some other kids' bike with hands and feet flailing in the air "look Daddy, no hands" - to treat me as if everything was normal. I got a bike. I took figure skating lessons. I went to weekend girl guide camps and on week long school ski trips. I did everything the other kids did and moved forward without labels or limiting beliefs. I knew that if I climbed something, it was possible that I could have a seizure and fall - thereby becoming injured or killed. It was a sobering thought for a child, but I learned to either make responsible choices or else assume responsibility for my choices if they were unwise. It was an important life lesson.

If we trust in ourselves, in our innate abilities, if we nourish ourselves with stories of success, and promise and love, that will become our experience and our outlook. And if we instill those beliefs and strategies in our children, no matter what kind of start they begin with, they will overcome or work around what obstacles they are presented with, even early on in life. We strive to achieve what we believe. So be careful what beliefs you adopt, because they are your blueprint upon which the foundation of your life will be built. Build well.

Success = 99% awareness + 1% application

"Life does not happen to us, it happens from us."
-- Mike Wickett

When we have a destructive, addictive habit, the first step towards healing is to acknowledge there is a problem in the first place. Denial of the issue to ourselves and others can be an automatic gut reaction.

But what if the problem isn't glaring or obvious? What if it's something seemingly innocuous or a coincidence, like:

- If we often miss the bottom step of a flight of stairs and repeatedly wrench our ankle?
- If we always attract relationships with people who have the same, negative qualities into our lives?
- If we are always late meeting our friends, for class or for appointments?
- If we can never master landing a lutz jump in skating or never miss the water trap in golf?
- If we can never hold a viable, lucrative job due to different circumstances that come up each time?

Is all of this just plain bad luck?

Would you believe me if I told you it wasn't? Would you believe me if I told you that everything happens for a reason and it's meant to be?

That statement alone will make some of you mad. Why does a baby die who has never had a chance to experience all life has to offer? Why does a relationship of 30 years dissolve "overnight"? Why does anyone have to suffer through a chronic illness? and on and on.

Setting aside discussion of whether Goddess (God, the Universe, Spirit, the Collective Soul, Yahweh, or whoever makes sense in your world view) has a set plan for each of us - let's call that the BIG PICTURE - let's focus on the smaller picture... on you. In virtually all cases, things that happen "to us" are our own fault.

"Well, that's brutally harsh. What do you mean by that? "

I mean we attract what happens to us -- with the exception of the baby dying, in my opinion. In exceptionally few instances, sometimes horrible things happen and we grow stronger learning to handle the emotional and psychological fallout from them. But in almost all situations, you can trace back what happened to a lack of awareness on our part, to an inability to monitor and re-direct what's happening into something constructive.

"OK, now this sounds like pure drivel. What on earth do you mean?"

"Most of us are in touch with our intuition
whether we know it or not,
but we're usually in the habit of doubting or contradicting it so
automatically that we don't even know it has spoken."

-- Shakti Gawain

What I mean is that if we stopped for just a moment, to pay attention to our mind chattering on, to how our body feels, to what's going on around us, many times situations or bad "coincidences" would be avoided or overcome.

For example, on May 26, 1992 at 10:30pm, I was cycling home from a friends' place in the rain. I turned onto a major street that was empty and a voice that seemed to originate above my head and to the right said, "It is safer to cycle on the sidewalk."

My immediate thought was not, "oh thank you". It was, "hello? it's illegal to cycle on the sidewalk. I could get a ticket" and so I continued to cycle on the roadway, but not for much longer. In less than 60 seconds I was struck head on by a car. I don't remember how it happened. I do remember bouncing on the hood of the car (and I do believe I did a Judo breakfall automatically) and then excruciating pain as I went through the windshield of the car with my head (and I'm only here today because I wore a helmet). After that, I was unconscious for a good 45 minutes. I 'came to' hearing the voice of the doctor who was working on me chanting in amazement, "You are so lucky... You are so lucky... You are so lucky." That's his perspective. Lucky or not, it took me over 4 months to heal my broken bones and bruises.

Now that example is pretty dramatic and extreme, right down to the voice above my head.

"Yeah, swanjames, I never hear voices. I just think you're looney."

When I talked about our minds chattering on earlier, I didn't mean hearing voices, like I did before my accident. What I meant was we need to stop and listen to what we are telling ourselves.

"A critic is a legless man who teaches running."

-- Channing Pollock

We need to develop mindfulness. By that I mean, paying attention to what we are constantly telling ourselves. Just before you glance the 5 ball off the 3 so it slides into the side pocket, are you focused solely on your task, or are you mentally noticing how the guy at the end of the pool table is standing while you tell yourself, "I was never good at this game" just before you miss the shot?

Just before you pick up a phone to try to make a sale or ask someone out on a date, what are you doing and saying to yourself? Are you sitting there, sweating in fear? Are you telling yourself you desperately need to make your mortgage payment this month? Or she probably doesn't even remember meeting me? Without a doubt the person on the other end of the phone will pick up on your energy.

"If you had a friend who talked to you
like you sometimes talk to yourself,
would you continue to hang around with that person?"

-- Rob Bremer

"So, what happens when you catch yourself from beating yourself up, and turn this process around?"

You walk, talk and act in the belief what you want to achieve is going to happen. No question. In fact, it's even better if you act as if it has already happened.

Is this simple?
Yes.

Is it easy?
No way.

I can only tell you my experience. When I'm feeling insecure or powerless, I think back to the following challenging time in my life and draw strength from it:

My full-time job in hospitality ended abruptly one sunny November 29th morning, with the closing of the hotel I worked at. I went back to school, but after graduation had to admit that the chances for my new career in my hometown were minimal. I had always said I hated Toronto and would never move there - EVER! - but suddenly, it seemed a fantastic place to settle. My boyfriend was happy because he'd wanted to move there for years. So, "ever" was here and we made plans to move at the end of the summer.

Two weeks before we moved, my boyfriend told the company he did freelance work for he was moving. They presented him with a lucrative contract, which he promptly signed. Suddenly, I had a decision to make. I had not yet secured a job in Toronto and so didn't have an apartment either. Without J., should I stay or should I go?

I thought about the lack of opportunity in my field and how I'd have to ditch my recent schooling and start a new career if I stayed. The choice was clear => I went.

I didn't know how I was going to do it, I just knew I had to do it. For the first time in my life I operated from the stance of assurance, rather than from fear I would fail. Over the next 7 months, places to stay, jobs and apartments all fell into place at exactly (and not a second too soon) the moment I needed. Chance encounters ensured jobs; conversations with strangers created places to stay. It was one of the weirdest, scariest, most beautiful time of my life. And one of the most difficult. It changed my outlook.

This happened long before the book/movie, "The Secret" came out, with all its talk about the Law of Attraction. If I had not already experienced it, I would have attributed that "Law" to a lot of hooey, but I am here to tell you, life is abundant and there is more than enough to go around. Believe it. Receive it. Achieve it.... Just do it.

Make your optimism come true.

~Author Unknown

Whether you think you can or think you can't - you are right.
~Henry Ford

IT'S NEVER OVER UNTIL YOU SAY IT'S OVER

Fall down seven times. Stand up eight. ~ Japanese proverb

One of the defining moments in my life was when I realized, “If it’s going to be, it’s up to me.” In October of my final year of high school, a number of us caught mononucleosis from a schoolmate at a party. I went down for the count. From October through to February, I didn’t attend a single class. Until then, just copying out a few notes tired me out so much, I had to nap for 3 hours to recuperate. Just having the lights on exhausted me. Never had any illness slain me this way. Finally, sometime in March, I started to struggle back to school on a very part-time basis and tried to keep up. One teacher would not cut my any slack, and I had to have his assignments in on time and write his tests along with my classmates. For the rest of my classes, I was about 2 weeks behind my deadlines. It suddenly dawned on me that I might not complete my year, that I may have to repeat this last year all over again. The rest of my friends would go onto university without me, and I’d be stuck in high school one more year.

For the first time of my life, I was motivated. For some reason, this struck fear into my heart. Perhaps the fact that over the years, my father, in frustration and running out of inspiration about how to motivate me to study and complete what projects I had started, would ask, “do you want to fail a year and see your friends pass you by?” Nothing before had lit a fire under me the way this situation did. I had cruised through all my schooling with sporadic, undisciplined stabs at studying; I had treated figure skating tests and competitions as playtime, not the least bit concerned about whether I succeeded; I had goofed off instead of practicing piano and working towards my music exams. All in all, I had led a pretty laid back life, unconcerned about which direction I was drifting. I was not the image of a winner.

Suddenly, I did a 180 degree turn. ON A DIME. Despite my fatigue, I stayed up night after night, working through the wee hours to get through my studies, to catch up, to pass. I’m not sure whether it was part of the process of healing or the long hours that made me even sicker. I hung on. It was agonizing. I wasn’t sure whether the fatigue from the mono or from my new self-imposed schedule was worse. All I saw was a looming deadline and not enough time or energy to absorb my work and churn out the necessary tests or essays. My boyfriend didn’t quite understand: at first I had been too sick to see him at all and now I was too crazed to spend any time with him. I was determined to make it through to graduation. And I did. After having missed over 50% of my classes, I went from cruising along with an unremarkable 60% average to graduating with straight A’s and zooming into university. I did better than most of my fellow students who had attended class the entire year.

This was an epiphany in my life, on many levels. The first is: don’t quit. Don’t ever give up. When you think you cannot make it to the end of the marathon, squelch that thought and keep going. Focus on nothing more than putting one foot in front of the other. The second is: your past performance is not a death sentence. Begin where you are and work steadily at your goal. And the third lesson is: you will fall down in life. When you do, pick yourself up and continue. Everyone fails somewhere, somehow. Look at Edison: he tried 1000’s of ways to make the light bulb. If he had given up after one attempt, or even 500, it would have been a lot longer before the modern era had artificial light. Look at Abraham Lincoln: he was born into humble circumstances and he had to struggle for many years to earn a living and to learn to read, write and do basic math. Yet, he was determined to surpass these obstacles. Not only did he become President of the United States, he is considered a founding father of the US, and his image is on their legal tender.

Just like in boxing, stumbling or falling down is not failure. Staying down is. It’s your persistence, your constant and determined effort that breaks down hurdles and leads to success.

When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown

Consider the postage stamp:
its usefulness consists in the ability
to stick to one thing till it gets there.
~Josh Billings

Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain.
~Author Unknown

When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
~Franklin D. Roosevelt

The greatest oak was once a little nut who held its ground.
~Author Unknown

He conquers who endures.
~Persius